Loneliness
![An aeroplane photographed against a cloudy sky[2]](http://www.derby.ac.uk/images/dr_29560aa75671ee41a4a33cedf6ef4996.jpg)
To feel lonely is to be overwhelmed by an unbearable feeling of separateness, at a very deep level. To some degree, it is a totally normal emotion, a part of growing up. As soon as we're born we start to grow away from our parents and become independent.
However smoothly this passage from birth to mature adulthood goes, there are bound to be times in our lives when this process of growing up, of becoming separate selves, feels difficult; times when we feel anxious, abandoned, unloved, insecure. In other words, when we feel lonely.
Coming to University presents particular challenges as you are often forced to abandon previous networks of family and friends - it can be difficult to quickly build new relationships that feel as reliable and familiar. This too is a process - part of being a student at university and moving into the next phase of your life.
It is important to remember that being lonely and being alone are not the same thing. We all need time and space alone to process the things that have happened to us and to clear our minds. As a student this is particularly important, as it will allow you to properly absorb new knowledge and apply it in assignments etc. Being comfortable with your own company and having hobbies or interests that you can pursue alone are crucial to your long-term contentment.
If you find it difficult to be alone it may be useful to discuss this with a counsellor. You can find more information about our counselling service here.
If you are uncomfortable in social situations you may find the hectic pace of the beginning of term difficult to manage. You should remember that this is not your only opportunity to make new friends. Take things step by step at your own pace. Make the most of every opportunity for social contact, however slight. Talk to other students on your course or in your hall - even for just a few minutes at a time.
The Student Union has many clubs and societies - you can find information about them here. You don't have to join these societies during Fresher's Fair, you can join later in the year. Pick out one or two societies that interest you and go along to their meetings. If you don't enjoy them you don't have to go back.
You may also find it useful to attend one of the events run by the Chaplaincy. If you are finding it difficult to manage feelings of loneliness you may find it helpful to speak to one of our counsellors or you can contact us in the student wellbeing service.
